As I previously mentioned, I was 16 and liked boys--so needless to say, there were several that came and went in that year. To be honest, I had almost completely forgotten about Elder P.(--and it didn't really help that the missionary who replaced him wasn't too bad looking either!) But I had that little yellow post-it note in my box of special letters and read it occasionally, day-dreaming about what it would be like to be with a guy like him rather than the riff-raff high school dorks I seemed to be attracting.
In March 2002 Elder P. successfully returned to St. George from his mission.
One day in April 2002 (my senior year) I must have been having a particularly bad time with one situation or another (probably with choosing a college, etc.), and I asked my dad for a blessing. I wrote this in my journal:
"Things were really stressing me out so I had Dad give me a blessing. I feel a lot better. I feel like I'm more capable of making good decisions now that my mind's clear. I really feel like there's things waiting for me in Utah, and that if I go up there and stay close to the Spirit, that I'll become a better, stronger person. I've never felt so much opposition about anything. That probably means something--that the decision I make really is important."
A few days later, I was sitting in a boring English class. All of the sudden the thought came to me--Elder P. is off his mission! I immediately put my mind to writing a letter to him. I can't really remember what the letter said, but I tried not to sound too psycho-stalkerish or anything. What if he didn't even remember me?
Meanwhile, BK had just gotten shoulder surgery (remember the basketball accident). He lay in bed miserable, recovering from this procedure, when his mother came into his room.
"I have a letter for you, and you'll never guess who it's from!" she said.
His mother had remembered my name. In fact, when I had sent that letter to them, instead of just mentioning it to him, she photo-copied it and sent it to BK on his mission! How embarrassing! (But somehow BK was still clueless to that fact that I was majorly crushing on him!)
Let me now interject with part of the story his mother told me months later.
Judy(BK's mom):So, tell me about this girl.
BK: Mom. Please.
Tara (BK's sister): Is she cute?
Judy: Yeah, is she??
BK: How would I even know? I was a missionary, mom!
Judy: Well, surely you at least noticed if she was cute or not.
BK: Mom. I was a focused missionary.
Tara: BK, come on. Is she cute?
BK:(looks down at the floor) Yes.
Judy: I knew it!
BK typed a letter back to me. After a particularly dramatic youth conference (for one reason or another) my mom came into my room.
"I have a letter for you, and you'll never guess who it's from!"she said.
In this letter BK reassured me that he did of course remember me. He sent me a few pictures of him. It also turned out that he had tried to email me previous to this, but had sent it to the wrong address. He also mentioned that since we would both be at BYU in August that we should definitely hang out. He would be heading to BYU for spring and summer term. He gave me his email address, and I wrote him an email back. The next day, he emailed me. Then I got brave.
On April 22, 2002, I wrote in my journal:
"I got a full tuition scholarship!! I'm so excited! BK's back from his mission and he wrote me and emailed me. I called him tonight and we talked for an hour! He's so awesome! He said he totally wants to hang out with me up at BYU--he's going there, too. Maybe this whole BK thing is the "distraction" I've been praying for. I don't know, I'm kinda confused! Oh well, it's a good kinda distraction! BK's nickname for me is "Ames"-how cute is that?!"
BK told me in this conversation that he would be going up to Provo in a few days, and that he would call me when he got there. I was skeptical, as I knew that would be several thousand good-looking girls HIS AGE. Plus, I'm sure he was just bored and thought of me as a cool mission buddy, and nothing more.
On April 26, I received an email from BK:
"Ames,
It was so good to hear from you! Seriously it made my morning...Sorry I didn't e-mail you last night. I tried to get on to hotmail last night and it wasn't working. So I was thinkin...Ahhh Amy's gonna be upset. She'll probably start worryin about me if I don't email her soon. Anyways I give my deepest and sincerest apologies for taking so long to get back to ya. You'll have to forgive me."
Hmm, I thought. In my journal, I wrote the next day:
"BK is so awesome!! He's just so easy to talk to and he's so smart about the gospel. I enjoy telling him about things, and I can't wait to go hang out with him in Provo in a few months--if he even remembers me then."
And after a few more email exchanges, I wrote in my journal:
"I don't know where all this is heading, but it's somewhere good. I'm sure. He's just amazing, and if Heavenly Father allows me to spend the rest of my life with a guy like BK P. I will be eternally grateful."
Several more emails were exchanged, but he still hadn't called me, and not wanting to look desperate, I didn't call him. But he finally called me on May 1st. We talked for an hour, and when his phonecard was about to expire (yes, people, we dated BEFORE cell phones) he told me he had two minutes and that he would just keep talking until it cut out but that he would try to call me another time soon. So we talked for two more minutes, and it cut out and I went to bed with a smile on my face. Then about half an hour later, my phone rang again.
It was BK. He said that he wanted to talk to me some more, and so he had ran to 7-11 to get another phonecard. Who was this guy??
Two days later, I called him. In my journal I wrote:
"May 3,2002--I called BK last night and we talked for an hour and a half! He let me talk to his roommates and I could tell he had been talking about me! He said he would call me sometime this weekend...yay! He's just so great--I can't describe it. I really could see him becoming my best friend."
The next day, BK wrote me an email:
"...I really enjoy talking to ya and e-mailin ya because right now I feel a lot of pressure in my life and it's so good to be able to talk it over with someone. Plus I think that you are keeping me sane through all this studying. Anyways I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really appreciate your care. You have a lot of impressive qualities and attributes and wish I had the words to tell you what a special person you are. You have a lot of sincerity and that is really cool because I think that is one of the best attributes a person can have. So I just thought I'd tell you all that, I'm not really sure why. But keep smiling in all you do and I hope that you are having a most wonderful day and that you are enjoying work. Take care and you're the best! Love ya BK"
As part of my journal entry that night I wrote, "I think I'm pretty much smitten."
I began to look forward to moving to Provo A LOT. But I began to worry that three and a half months was a long time. BK had a lot of girls after him in his ward. We had only emailed and talked on the phone. And I was 17 years old for heaven's sake. Why in the world would he wait around for me?
I began to be suspicious when I would call his apartment and he wasn't there. His roommate Jared would say things like: "Oh, he's at the movies..." And I thought--oh great, he must have a girlfriend, and now I look like the dumb teenager calling. But BK had never mentioned anything to me about any girl. We still talked on the phone but I could tell something was different somehow.
Then one day my suspicions were confirmed. BK stuck this lovely paragraph right in the middle of one of his emails:
"Let's see what else.... I have gone on a couple dates up here. They have been good. I think one cool thing is that in dating you really get to see what you want. I have taken this girl in my Book of Mormon class out twice. I don't know what will come of it."
I was absolutely crushed. But I decided to still try to be friends with him anyway, so the emails and phone conversations continued, but I was so confused. I figured he must just think that I was too young, too far away, or whatever.
Then I received this email from him, entitled, "The confusion is gone!"
"Ames, Well it looks like we've come to a conclusion of another grand day here in Provo. Today has just been an awesome day for me! I have been kind of confused in my life recently about a lot of different things and it really has been giving me a lot of stress. Well, today I had planned to go to the temple and at about 2:30 I realized that I had a lot of stuff to do and that I wouldn't have time to go to the temple. Well as I was about to decide not to go, I just had a feeling that I needed to go. So Nate and I went to the temple and did some initiatory work. It was exactly what I needed and felt so much peace there. After we changed back into our clothes at the temple to leave I wanted to sit in the waiting room for a minute and ponder, hoping that I would receive some sort of guidance in my current confusion. Well as I sat there for a minute, it just became clear what I needed to do and I felt all the confusion and stress leave. The answer kind of suprised me a little bit and I didn't think that it was the answer that I was going to receive. So I was kind of puzzled about why I got that answer even though the confusion was gone. Well, let me tell you that within a few hours I found out some things that totally backed up the answer I got in the temple even though I was a little bit doubting at first. It goes to show you that Heavenly Father knows what's best for us even if we don't understand why he does things. Because sooner or later we'll see that he was right all along, and that we were the ones that were wrong.... I don't know if any of this makes sense to you. I wish I could explain things better. I don't know, I will explain the details of this situation to you some time.... But now I ask you to forgive me for anything that I have done in the past week or so that may have offended you: 4 days without emailing, not returning calls, etc. I don't even know if you have been offended or not, but just in case I hope that you understand and forgive me. You probably noticed the confusion that I was in, I certainly wasn't myself. But I guess the good thing is that it's all over and I back on track baby! I swear this is why I dreaded coming home from the mission, so that I wouldn't have to deal with all the confusion that comes with living a normal life...... Is any of this e-mail clicking with you? Have you figured out any of the details of this e-mail?.. I'm not sure if I should tell you right now, but I need to sometime.... I did get another rebuking about studying better (they're starting to come on a daily basis), but I actually have done a lot of studying today...... Well, how was work? How's the car?.... How have you been feeling in your life lately? Well, I guess I should be going now... I feel strong right now and I know the Lord is blessing me and will continue to do so. I just want to close by saying that you really are great and that I don't think that I could begin to say enough good things about you. You seem to do everything right in life and you certainly put up with me so that definitely says a lot about you. You just keep doing what you're doing in life and I know that you'll be successful and happy. Have a good night, sleep well and I guess we'll talk more tomorrow. Sweet dreams! love ya, BK"
Dangit, I thought. He's getting engaged already.
