September 26, 2013

When did I all of the sudden have three kids?  It still seems surreal when I post pictures of three kids, instead of just one, or even any at all.  It seems like the more kids I have, the faster that life goes.  It's harder to stay on top of everything in my life with three children, but in a way, it helps balance life that I can't spend too much time overly worrying about one thing, because something new is bound to pop up at any given moment.  There is always a need to be filled, a cheek to be kissed, a tear to wipe away... it's chaotic, but it's a good kind of chaos mostly.  

This week has been one where I've just felt like my best wasn't good enough--that I lack patience and understanding, and a whole list of other things.  But I just keep praying that I'll find it in myself to find patience and understanding that I didn't know that I had.  Because I know it's there, I just have to wrap my mind around this new "normal" and figure out how best I fit into all of it.  

I would expound, but it's time to go pick Landon up from school! (See what I mean about not having a ton of time to get overly worked up about one thing?!) Spending time in the car-line at first was a huge chore, but based on the suggestion of a friend, I started using that time to read my scriptures.  I pack a snack for Spencer, and we sit in the car for 10 or 15 minutes, waiting until 3:20 when Landon actually gets out, and I read the Book of Mormon and write my thoughts on the chapter I read.  It's actually really nice to have 10-15 minutes that I'm literally strapped into my seat unable to be distracted by anything else-- a nice peaceful moment before all three kids are reunited for the last part of the day while I'm trying to make dinner and nurse a baby and all the rest of everything else... 

I'm really looking forward to the Relief Society Broadcast on Saturday.  I think it will be the perfect timing for me to just sit and listen to some happy, positive words, at the end of a long week.  My heart is definitely open and in need of some encouragement, and I know I'll find it there!! I don't often just get to sit and listen in church anymore... three kids in sacrament meeting, so that explains that, and then being in primary with the kids (which I love, but still...)... I'm just really looking forward to it!!

Off to the car line I go!!

September 19, 2013

Dearest children of mine,

I should be tending to your every need right this moment, but instead I'm writing you a letter to record what's going on right this moment.  Let's see, where to start... Owen is currently in his swing fussing.  He's been fussy for the past 24 hours, probably because I keep sprinkling crushed red pepper on everything I eat.  So apparently I'll need to give that up for awhile.  Or maybe he's just disagreeable today.  I can't really blame him.

Landon.  I woke up at 6:30am this morning to go to your parent-teacher conference at 7am.  Of course it was all good news.  And actually I really have no complaints about you right now.  You're busy playing super mario brothers on the wii because I've given up for the day.

Spencer.  GOOD HEAVENS.  You chose not to take a nap today, and instead squirreled around in your room.  So right now you're in that super-annoying mode where you're so tired that you're hyper as all get-out.  So charming.  Currently you're harassing the dog and jumping all over the couch even though I've asked you literally FIVE TIMES to stop.  It's only 5:57pm, and I'm wondering how I'm going to make it until 7pm. Instead I'll probably just put you to bed in 3 minutes.

Children, children, children.  Your father has been working late on Mondays and Thursdays. (And recently got a new calling at church with the youth!  Goodbye, Wednesdays, too!)  Because he got an opportunity to make more money.  And life is all about the benjamins.  Well, not really.  But guess what?  It's expensive to have children, as it turns out.  Namely, your hospital bills.  Dearest Owen, you are cute, but you ended up costing us FOUR TIMES the amount in medical bills than we were expecting.  Small oversight in the insurance fine print on our part.  So we gotta pay that off.  So yes, all of you fussy, disobedient children I have, I also had to pay thousands of dollars for... hmmm.

Anyway, I hope you know that I still love you. But just so you know, being a mom is rough sometimes.  I'm a human being, too, with my own needs and wants.  I give those up on a daily basis for you--and sometimes I just need to pitch a mini-fit about it, which is what I'm doing right now.  But in a moment, I'll take a deep breath and tell myself to grow up and quit being selfish and learn to make it to the end of a day without losing it.  And then I'll check on you when you are asleep like little angels, and I'll feel bad for being mad at you because you'll be all innocent and darling curled up with your blankies.  And I'll wake up in the morning and try again because I know that you need me.

But trust me, as soon as you are in bed, there is a half gallon of Happy Tracks Blue Bell Ice Cream with my name written ALL OVER IT.

All my love,
Mom

September 1, 2013

Our dearest Landon started kindergarten this last week.  He was definitely ready and excited to go.  He let me walk him to class the first two days, but definitely had no issue whatsoever with me leaving.  He's mad he doesn't get to go to school tomorrow (Labor Day.)  I still can't believe he's old enough for me to just drop him off at the school doors and have him make his own way to his class and not get lost, but he can do it!

Neither of us cried, though I did feel my heart break as I turned around and left him on the first day. I thought about my feelings later, and I realized that I'm sad because I am not the person who spends most of his waking hours with him anymore.  And that's how it will be the rest of his life.  But I'm also so happy for him and that he gets to have new adventures with new people.  I'm just sad that 5 years went by faster than I could've possibly imagined.  But I'm happy to say that I really don't have any real regrets over the past five years. I've gotten to stay home with him and do all the things with him that I've wanted to.  Sure, in hindsight, I've made mistakes.  But along the way, I've reevaluated and made changes to my parenting whenever I noticed something wasn't working.  That's really all you can expect parents to do.  Mostly, I'm just really proud of him.  He's such a well-rounded, well-behaved little guy, and for the most part it has been a breeze to get him ready to go out into the "real world."  He's made friends extremely easily this first week, and his teacher and PE teacher both found me separately to tell me how sweet he is and how much they love teaching him already.  As a former kindergarten teacher, I know that easy kids like Landon are much appreciated.  I do miss having my biggest helper around the house, but Spencer has actually risen to the occasion so far, and it's been a good change in pace for everyone to have a new routine to settle into.

Spencer will be doing a little co-op preschool with a couple of friends starting in a week or so.  He's very excited that he got to buy a backpack.  I'm excited for him to get a little more practice with making friends and following directions.  As much of a handful as that kid is, he is one of the most charming creatures, and I enjoy seeing his smiling face every day.  He's been soaking up all this extra "momma time" since Landon's been gone, and Owen still sleeps most of the day.  He is a cuddly little thing, and while that means that somedays I don't get everything done on my list, I'm completely fine with that.  They get too big, too fast.

Owen continues to be a dream-baby.  He is so mellow and just so good.  He sleeps through the night and is pleasant to be around almost all of the time.  He's so chubby and cheerful, and it's just a joy to have him in our family.  He's started smiling at me when I get him out of his crib in the morning, and that's just about the best thing ever.

Life is good. :)