Me and Landon: April 2009
With child number one, you become a mother. It's an incredible experience. One day you are not a mother, and then the next day you are. You can never ever go back for all of eternity. It's amazing. I often wondered what would be special about child number two.
And I think I've figured it out.
With child number two, you become a mother with experience and confidence. One day you are a first time-mom struggling through each new stage, and then the next day you're "re-do"ing the entire experience that you already know a few things about. It's awesome!
I wouldn't trade my experience with Landon for anything in the world. He was (and continues to be) exactly what I needed at the time. I couldn't have asked for a better transition into the world of motherhood. But today I imagined that I could peek back on myself a couple years ago and give me some advice.
And this is what I would tell myself.
Trust your instincts! Everything doesn't need to be exactly right. Spend less time measuring out baby food to the exact ounce, and more time just enjoying your child.
Spend less time worrying about what everyone else thinks and says about your mothering. Have they ever parented your child before? No. They haven't. It's always a good idea to be respectful of other's parenting advice, but at the end of the day, trust what you think is right. It will save you a lot of time in trying to please everyone. I can't stress this one enough.
Spend less time comparing your situation to others. It's probably a good idea not to be too judgmental of your friends with multiple children. It turns out that it's not that mothers become lazy when they have more children. It's that they figure out what's really important to them, and plus, they just have more to do. They don't have time to worry about everything little minuscule detail of life. And that's a good thing.
Don't worry about Landon surviving while you're pregnant with number 2. It turns out he does survive, and isn't scarred for life because of it. Go figure, right?! Turns out the only lasting side effect of having him watch TV for 6 months straight is that you will still feel like puking every time you hear the theme song to PBS shows, even after you have Spencer. And don't be afraid to pick up the phone to ask people to help you with Landon while you're pregnant. It doesn't make you a bad mother, it turns out.
Let BK help you with Landon. You will need to get used to him not doing things the exact same way that you do. Because when you have two, you will actually need his help--in whatever form he offers it. It turns out he can bathe a child without drowning him. Trust me.
You're capable of a lot more than you think you are. Give yourself a break.
But in the same breath, here's some thing you're definitely on the right track about.
Good for you for not turning into a social recluse just because you have children. You can still go to friends' houses. You can still go on trips. It's a little more complicated, but it's worth it.
Good for you for taking advantage of the time when you only had one. Sure you didn't get much cleaning done because you were "so busy" but when you look back on it, you will never regret that time you had with Landon to just lay around all day and stare at each other. It's not like that with your second child. It's a little more hectic. Sure, I spend a lot more time cleaning and organizing now, but that's because I need a bit more sanity with two children than I did with one. I need the organization now. I didn't then.
Good for you for starting family prayer and scripture study and Family Home Evening long before you thought he could understand. Because it turns out he could understand. And he was listening. These are the things that will make you feel like a good parent. (At least until they're teenagers and end up not applying any of the principles you're teaching them now... oh well.)
Anyway, keep up the good work.
Talk to ya next time when I 1)get kid number 3 and 2)get life figured out with three kids.
Love,
Me.
