September 29, 2012

Saturday.  The best day of the week.  Or at least that's what I always hope for, and then it usually gets eaten up by about 39384 small errands and chores, no matter how hard we try to keep that from happening.  Oh, well.

Yesterday got up and went to the store to do some birthday party shopping for my mom.  We decided on purple, pink, and yellow polka-dot balloons, pink polka-dot napkins, pink plates, and yellow utensils.  We also decided that chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream would go fabulously with the cookie cake my dad would be bringing.

Unfortunately while at the store, Landon decided to pitch a mini-fit because I grabbed the sour cream without letting him try to get it first.  So he threw himself down on the ground, but the cart had already started moving, and so I accidentally ran over his finger.  Oops.  And so he spent the last 7 minutes of our time at Walmart wailing at the top of his lungs.  And dirty, disgusting Wal-mart shoppers looked at me judgingly. How dare they.  Anyway, I didn't really care that Landon was acting that way because I knew the consequence would be not getting to choose a good-boy-at-the-grocery-store treat.  I picked out a ring pop for Spencer who was good at the store.  Cue Landon wailing again. But oh, well.  He'll remember to think about it next time before he throws himself down on the floor in the middle of a grocery store.

This is the thing about four-year-olds: they can be incredibly brilliant and mature and you breathe a sigh of relief thinking, yessssss, we're finally moving on to the next stage!  And then they act like a two year old out of nowhere, and you're left thinking "?!?!"

I expected the rest of the day to go horribly since it started off with a discipline issue.  But actually Landon did several surprisingly mature things yesterday, too.  He accidentally bumped Spencer who fell to the ground, and without me prompting him, he immediately ran back over to him and said, "I'm sorry, Spence!  Are you okay??"  This happened twice, and I sat there dumbfounded, as this was probably the first time he sincerely apologized to Spence without me having to remind him.  So that was good.

My parents came over for the party last night.  We had a good time eating and laughing and chatting, as usual. Then we put the boys to bed.  BK watched a football game, while I fell asleep.  Despite both of the boys staying up past bedtime for two nights in a row, they were both up before 7am this morning.  BK took a shift and got up with them, and I slept in for a couple more hours.  I woke up to a gloomy, rainy day, which sort of reflects my attitude today as well.  But I'm going to try really hard to snap out of it.

However, cooped up, wiggly children will probably not really help my cause, but the youngest squirrel is about to go down for a nap, and the daddy squirrel is going to go work for a couple of hours (will we ever be able to finally pay off our medical bills?!?), and more-than-likely I'll just turn on a movie for the older-brother squirrel and maybe lay in my bed and read my book while the rain beats outside my window for an hour or so.  Selfish? Yes.  Necessary for today?  Absolutely.

September 27, 2012

Today was crazy clothes day at preschool.  You can't really tell from the picture, but those are my halloween socks that go up to his knees when pulled up all the way, an inside-out backwards shirt, and... a crazy face.  

I kept reminding him that it was crazy CLOTHES day... not CRAZY day.  I remembered from being a teacher that when kids dress crazy; they act crazy.  But apparently he behaved today, so yay for Landon!

Spencer and I went to his speech appointment--where he attempted many new words and sounds.  I am so so grateful for the wonderful speech therapist he has.  She is a co-worker of BK's, and we seriously lucked out.  She is so kind and warm and loving, and Spencer has loved her since the moment he laid eyes on her, which is a big deal for him.  She takes things at his pace, instead of forcing him to do things--which does make things slower, but it's just the confidence boost he's needing right now.

I love when people meet your children, and you just know that they "get" them and love them.  Miss Becky is that person for Spencer.  I never had to convince her that he was smart or great or cute or wonderful... she has just always thought he was, and treats him accordingly.  Landon's teacher Miss Tammi is much the same way.  He was the last to get picked up today, and she was sitting playing a board game with him, and they were joking around together, and it just did my heart good to see that he's in good hands with a teacher that just adores him (but at the same time enforces limits and consequences when necessary) and thinks he's grand.  Because I sure do think those things of both of my children.

Spencer and I came home after his appointment and hung out at home today.  He played outside while I sat outside reading a book called The Forgotten Garden, which is FABULOUS so far.  We watched Blue's Clues together when we came inside.  I gave him some lunch, and we dabbled in potty-training a bit... then it was time to go get Landon.

Today is my lovely mother's birthday, and we'll be celebrating it at our house tomorrow evening.  I'm so lucky to have my mother as one of my best friends.  She's another "magical person" in my children's lives that just loves them to death, and that means a lot to me.  She also listens to me babble on about my "accomplishments" throughout the day, and I know she's always cheering for me.  And so, for these reasons, I MIGHT share my Blue Bell Ice Cream with her and my dad when they come up for her party tomorrow. MAYBE.

Tonight is Bunco--and it's cowboy themed. What to wear, what to wear....  I'm excited to get out and spend time with some great friends.  I always feel uplifted and happy after spending an evening with all of them.  I'm glad I'm married to a guy that "gets" that I need girl-time every so often in the evenings, and encourages me to get out and have fun--whether it's Bunco, or playing in a volleyball league.  I'm trying to be more understanding about him needing to have his own hobbies, too, and so lately whenever he's wanted to go work out with one of his guy friends in the evening, I've tried to be encouraging.  Last night when he got home from scouts and home-teaching, we sat down to watch Survivor with our ice cream, but it turned out our antenna had been weird, so we have to wait until tonight to watch it online.  UGH.

The smallest rat in the household has snuck out during naptime, and is upstairs trying to sneak around in the playroom... so I better go regulate.  How dare he.

Sept 26, 2012

This morning we took Landon to get his ears re-checked, after he failed his hearing test last month because of an ear infection.  He passed with flying colors today.  Looks like there's no more excuses for disobedience.... We actually got in and out of the doctor's office in record time, and Spencer didn't have any meltdowns.  PHEW.

We came home and some friends came over for a little meeting we were having to plan our church Trunk or Treat for Halloween.  It went well and the kids played.

After Spence woke up from his nap, I decided to go to Kohl's to spend my $10 coupon I got in the mail.  I usually let the boys pick out a puzzle or board game with the money.  Today after they applied the coupon, we got a Thomas the Train ABC puzzle for $0.42!!  SCORE!

Landon and Spencer were squabbling in the backseat over who got to hold it, so I called off the after-Kohl's party at Three Spoons, which Landon was especially upset about.  However, I told him that we could maybe go another day when brothers were getting along.  He started wailing.

I quickly realized that the last three hours was going to go at snail's pace listening to that.  He had already exhausted all possibilities at home--outside, hose, puzzles, trains, books, etc--so I drove straight to a park and let them play.

It was one of the most peaceful two hours I have had in a LONG time.

The weather was perfect.  So perfect I didn't even notice if I was hot or cold, just comfortable.  The boys quickly found kids to play with, and they just played for two hours.  They never seem to be able to do that at the park without bugging me for snacks, attention, etc.  I'm not sure what was different today, but I just sat on a bench and watched them run around, and engaged in one of my all-time favorite hobbies--people-watching.

Finally I tore them away from the playground around 5pm.  We came home, and Landon asked if he could choose what we had for dinner. He decided upon "Macky cheese... the REG-U-LAR kind, mom.  NOT the taco kind."  Lately, I've been adding diced tomatoes and taco seasoning to mac&cheese to make it more bearable, but apparently he hates it.  So tonight we had the reg-u-lar kind.  With some corn on the cob, too.

The boys played outside with BK after dinner while I chatted on the phone with my mom until it was time for bed and time for BK to go help the scouts at church.  BK left, and I put the boys to bed.  We decided to record some songs and sent them to my mom and sisters.  My boys are such divas.  Cute divas.

My mom called Landon immediately to discuss his song, and he had fun chatting with her for a few minutes before going to bed.

I sat down to record my thoughts on today, and I heard my TV on upstairs.  I went upstairs to find Spencer in my bed with all of his munchies (blankies) watching Curious George.  That little rat apparently not only knows how to sneak out of his bedroom undetected, but how to work Netflix on my TV now, too.  ?!?!?  What am I going to DO with him??

I marched him back to his room, and I asked Landon if HE had turned on the TV for Spence.  Landon said that he hadn't.  "Mom!  He did it all by himself, he's such a big boy!"  Spencer looked up at me and flashed a cheesy grin.  I tried not to laugh as I reminded them both that it wasn't a good choice to sneak into my room to watch TV.

So again, today wasn't really that exciting.  Just a normal day!  But I hope that by getting back in the habit of writing again (and maybe taking more pictures!!) that I'll find interesting things to write about.  So stay tuned! :)
 

Today

I was reminded in a conversation today with a new friend that even if I feel like my life events are menial, that someday I'll enjoy reading them and remembering my life as it is now.  I so enjoy reading all the detailed accounts of my boring adventures with Baby Landon because it takes me back to being a new mom and the nervousness and anticipation of it all.  I'm sure five years from now, I'll feel the same about my life today.

Today was a preschool day.  BK decided to ride with us to drop Landon off, as he didn't have a patient until 9:30am.  We drove straight from preschool to Spencer's speech appt at BK's office.  Even though his progress is slow, he's talking SO much more than he was 6 months ago.  It brightens my life to see his little personality blossom, his shyness fading away.  He's growing up, and I'm trying to roll with it, as much as I hate to lose my "baby."  We bought him a "big boy bed" the other day, and it felt weird to dismantle the crib without having a "new baby" reason. I stuffed it under the guest bed and said a quick prayer that it wouldn't be too long before I pulled it out again.

But back to today.

After the appointment, I dragged Spencer to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription.  Then we went to the bank to make a deposit.  Then we came home.

We quickly became bored, and I realized it had been at least six months since we had been to the library.  And there was a book I heard was good, and I wanted to check it out.  So Spencer and I went to the library.  He thought pulling out books was fantastic, but he wasn't so much into actually reading them.  But he did choose a lovely Blue's Clues book to take home, and he was excited about that.

We had some time before I had a visit scheduled, so I took Spencer to McDonald's where he partook of his very first solo happy meal with no brother to split it with.  He had a good time running around with another little boy on the playground, while I dove into my new book.

When it was time to go, we headed to our visit with a new friend.  We enjoyed chatting with her and her darling baby girl.  Spencer mainly enjoyed terrorizing her daughter and throwing a ball around her house--but luckily did not break anything.  We'll have to work on manners.  Oh, Spence.

I love having conversations though that really make me think, and this was one of those.  I've had a lot of those lately with people, and it's been a huge blessing.

Then it was time to pick up Landon.  He wasn't in the greatest of moods when I picked him up.  Spence fell asleep on the car ride home, and I put him in his big boy bed as soon as we got home.  Landon asked to watch a show.  I turned it on, with full intent to not let him waste another lovely afternoon watching TV, but then my baby sister called, and I decided I didn't care, and wanted to catch up with her instead of arguing with him.  So we chatted for about two hours.  Afterward, we went to pick up BK from work, and we decided last-minute to head to Freebirds for "kids eat free" night.  That seemed to perk up Landon.  And he started chatting with us about his day.

The boys had a lovely battle over BK's brownie... but ultimately it seemed like they all got a fair share.  We headed home, BK bathed them while I sat around doing nothing, and then we took them to their room.  We read scriptures, and then BK read the boys a book while I put away their laundry. We said a prayer, and wished them goodnite.  They begged us for snuggies--BK gave in this time.

Now they are busy running around their room while BK watches the news, and I sit here and type this.  When they're finally asleep, and we can truly relax, we will probably break out our Blue Bell ice cream cartons and turn on a show.

Then we'll go to sleep, and do it all again tomorrow.  :)

Landon's a preschooler

So on Tuesday, Landon had his first day of preschool. 

And it went really well!  He has been excited about it alllll summer.  We went shopping for new clothes and a backpack and a lunchbox last week--so he was all ready!

 We had a minor disagreement about which of his new shoes matched his outfit.  I pulled the "mom card" and "won" that one, but he got over it about halfway through the car-ride.

 Here's his desk!  His teacher is Miss Tammy, and she's absolutely adorable.  It makes me feel so much more comfortable leaving him when I know he's in good hands with people who love these kids!

Landon did not cry when I left him.  He walked right in and sat down to work on tracing his name.  I loaded Spencer back up in the car and we drove off.  I must admit I teared up for a few seconds as I pulled out of the parking lot.  It wasn't that I was worried about how to live without him every Tuesday and Thursday--because heaven knows going grocery shopping with just one kid had been on my wishlist alllll summer long--but it was more just a quick feeling of  "Didn't I just give birth to him, like, yesterday??  This went TOO FAST."  I have a feeling that I'll have many more of those Mom Moments in the years to come.

But then I just felt happy--for him and for me.  I was happy he is such a well-adjusted kid and that going to pre-school was not some huge dramatic moment in our history together.  I can only take partial credit for this, as Landon has probably been ready for preschool since the day he was born.  He's such a smart little thing, and so independent.  As I thought about all this, I teared up again because I'm just grateful he put up with me infringing on his independence for the four years I have.  I completely respect and understand his need to do things on his own and by himself--because I'm the exact same way.  It's like looking in a mirror everytime I lay eyes on him--both physically and emotionally.  But the "mom" part of me just knows this is the beginning of the end--and while I know learning and being away from home is most definitely what he needs right now,  I just miss his spunky little attitude.  Well, most of the time anyway.

Spencer was a completely different child with Landon gone.  So quiet, playing happily by himself.  I'm grateful to have the next couple of years with him to help him prepare to be a "big boy," too.  He did miss Landon, though.  Every little while he would stop what he was doing and yell "YANDA??" And he was SO happy when we went to pick Landon up, and gave him a big hug.

Landon told me that he had a great first day.  He said he didn't have to move his parachute man down a cloud at all and that he got two stickers.  He told me he made new friends and that he was kind.  His teacher told me he did great.  When we got in the car, he quickly exclaimed, "Mom! Preschool is SO FUN.  What day do I get to go back?"  We worked on his tracing homework when he got home, and he told me all about his day.

I'm so excited to see him learn and grow in new ways this year, while he gets ready for kindergarten.  This year he is in school on Tues/Thur from 9-2pm--which seems so long until I consider that next year, he'll be gone EVERY day from 8am-3pm.  So I think this will be a good adjustment for him. And for me.  :)

The Summer

I think I haven't blogged forever because I feel overwhelmed at the amount of things I have to cover.  So here is my best attempt at a catch-up

June--

We went to San Diego with BKs family for a "Welcome Home from your Mission, Don and Judy!" trip!  We had a blast with everyone there--despite the cold temperatures, puking, and sunburns.  We went to the San Diego Zoo as well, and we loved it, except BK didn't get to go because he was puking that day.

We came home from that trip, and found that our entire hard drive had crashed.  Literally, everthing... GONE.  Luckily we had SOME of the files on another computer, and luckily all my pics from the blog.  But we lost pretty much everything else.  And I was devastated and angry about it for several days.  So fun. A few days later, my lovely little sister Sara returned from her mission.  It was wonderful to see her.

July--

A few days after that we loaded up in the car (on my birthday. Lame. But I'm 28 now.) and drove in a caravan with Mom and Dad and Sara up to Utah for the wedding festivities for Megan.  The wedding was fantastic; Landon and Spencer rocked the dance floor with all of Megan's friends; and I received my very first speeding ticket ever. In New Mexico.  I have always hated New Mexico and now I know why.

Two days after getting home, BK and I headed to Austin for his surgery--a bilateral variococelectomy. If you're really curious, google it--I'm not getting into specifics.  Basically his doctor thinks this will improve our chances of getting pregnant.  By a small miracle and a kind doctor we were able to get this $15,000 surgery covered by our insurance.  It took BK about a week to recover from this.  And so naturally, in the weeks that followed, we've been busy trying to piece our lives back together and remind our children there are still rules around this place!!

In September we will be heading to Utah AGAIN for the LAST and FINAL wedding in the Foster family.  Sara and Ian are getting married on Sept 21.  Also in September, Landon will be starting preschool.  Spencer is continuing to say more and more words since we've had him in speech therapy.

Life is good.  Busy, but good.


Phew.

Now I feel like I can start blogging again since I finally "caught up!!"

Cucumber Salad

I just finished lunch.  It was the first lunch I've had with just goods from my garden!  Tomatoes and cucumbers. Well, and mozzarella cheese--which I didn't grow--but anyway, the vegetables were great!

It got me thinking about my garden.

Several months ago, I finally realized that after a year of waiting for Baby #3 to join us, that it wasn't going to happen on my timeline.  This joined a large stack of growing concerns that I couldn't control--my four year old's lack of obedience no matter what I did, my two year old's lack of speech, and now this.  Mostly this.  I knew for sure that the other two problems would...eventually... solve themselves probably.  This might not.

As we've bounced around seeing various doctors, ultrasound techs, lab results, etc, I've started to lose hope that this will ever happen for us again.  Even though part of me knows it will.  It's just too painful to think about sometimes.  I worry sometimes about turning into the bitter, angry, and sad 19-22 yr old who dealt with all this before.  But luckily for me, I have too many things to do and accomplish than sit around and feel sorry for myself. Most of the time anyway.

During that initial realization a few months ago, I felt a prompting.  Start a garden.  The winter weather was finally starting to dissipate, and I felt that it would be good for me to get out in the sun everyday and work on something productive.

So I packed up my boys and headed to Lowe's, with advice from my visiting teacher Erika about how best to do it.  And I've loved my little garden ever since.  It has felt wonderful to get outside and check that garden every morning.  The boys and I got excited every time a new seedling sprouted, or a flower opened, or a cucumber seemed to appear out of nowhere.

And as I watered and thinned and pruned and trimmed and tended, my mind found answers.  Answers about waiting; answers about fruits of our labors; answers about spiritual nourishment; answers about faith; and most importantly, answers about hope.  My little garden had so many analogies that applied to my life at this very moment.  And it helped to fill the void and block the pain of my own inability to produce life within myself--to bear fruit in other ways, and then to know that I did it.  That I can grow things and nurture them into life.

My squash and zucchini were the first to produce fruit.  We saw the tiny fruit and got so excited.  But then a few days later, they would dry up and fall off.  I turned to the internet and found out it was a product of poor pollination.  And because I was having an especially emotional day, I cried.  Are you joking me? This garden was supposed to be therapeutic for this whole infertility thing, and now I find out my squash plant is INFERTILE?! 


Then I started laughing instead.  Because really, it was rather funny and ironic.  So I learned how to pollinate them myself since apparently the birds and the bees weren't doing a good enough job.  And I laughed to myself thinking: Well, isn't this all sounding familiar....

But in those peaceful moments, outside with my boys, looking at the fruits of my labors, I've felt assurance.  I know that I'm doing everything I can spiritually and physically to bring this wonderful blessing to pass.  We've asked several members of our family to keep us in their prayers continually; we've fasted; family members have put us on the prayer roll at the temple; we've serve faithfully in our callings at church; we're good friends; we're good parents; we teach our children the Gospel; we read scriptures together; we pray together.  And so I know it must be for some greater purpose.  This is the Lord's will in my life right now since I am living righteously and nothing has changed.  And I know that someday it will all make sense.  It always has in the past.

So we'll just continue to nourish the faith and hope that we already have.
And eat dang good tomatoes in the meantime. :)