Lately I've felt like more of a referee than an actual parent. With Spencer's newfound language capabilities, Landon has had to learn to respect him as an actual person with real opinions and ideas, and this leads to.... conflict in the playroom.
More than once the past week, I wondered if I had made a mistake in thinking that kids this close together would be a blessing to them. I thought for sure they would just be best friends forever and super close always, and that would make it worth the extra energy involved with so many little ones running around. I wondered if they would ever truly get along and adore each other the way that they did for the first couple of years of Spencer's life. Maybe brothers just fight a lot, I told myself.
And actually as the week went on, I realized it was just a phase. Their relationship had an adjustment and then it started to correct itself. We tightened down on both of them about certain unbecoming behaviors, and I could tell that maybe their relationship wasn't permanently ruined after all. (Don't you love how pregnancy just over-exaggerates everything?!)
But there was one moment in particular this week that I did not want to forget. Spence and I drop Landon off at preschool every day that he goes (Tues/Thur). I usually try not to make too big of a goodbye scene--Landon's not that sort of little guy. So I usually casually tell him goodbye and tell Spence to tell him goodbye, and usually Landon's already engaged with whatever activity awaits him at his desk, and Spencer is more worried about commenting angrily about how it's not fair that Landon's school has a play kitchen in it that he doesn't get to play with.
On Tuesday, I reminded myself to let Spencer walk instead of carrying him (gotta get used to not being the baby, Spence. You're three. Also, my back hurts. You're heavy.) even though I knew it would mean he would fight me on holding my hand in the parking lot and over who got to hold the sign-in pen. We chatted with a friend for a minute, and Landon decided to just run ahead to class. I followed a minute later to wish him well, even though I knew he was probably too preoccupied to notice, but ya never know, I told myself. We walked into his classroom, and I told him to have a great day. I told Spencer to tell Landon goodbye, which he did quietly, but I don't think Landon heard him. We turned around and walked out, and got halfway down the hall when I heard a familiar little sing-song voice call out "Spencer! Wait! Come back!" Landon had run out into the hallway his arms outstretched, wanting Spencer to come give him a hug.
A huge smile broke out on Spencer's little squirrel-face, and he clumsily ran up to Landon with his small little arms reaching out as far as they could. They hugged each other as tightly as they could and then Landon waved at me and ran back into his classroom. Spencer walked away just beaming, like he felt like he was just so lucky that he surely had the best brother in the whole world. (Which he totally does.)
I then mopped my heart up that had melted onto the floor, and walked with Spencer back out into the parking lot. I was so grateful for that little moment. It reminded me that deep down, playroom arguments aside, my children really do love each other. They miss each other when they're apart, and they think the world of each other when it really comes down to it. While I know I certainly can't take credit for most of that, it does make me feel good as a parent when these types of moments happen.
It just makes all the rest of it worth it, ya know?
