December 11, 2012

I of course meant to write about this weeks ago before I forgot all the details, but better late than never!

Back in October I had some blood tests done that confirmed the fertility medication that I was on was working.  It didn't mean it was pregnant, but it meant I was on the right track.

Several days before the day I had chosen to take a pregnancy test, I got in my usual funk.  I just wanted to hurry up and take the test and get the negative test, and then mope around and then get over it.  I didn't want to prolong that for several more days.  Maybe it would even be positive a few days later, but at least I would have already prepared myself for the worst.

I was in the middle of sewing Halloween costumes and could distract myself no longer.  BK was on a phonecall or something, and I slipped away to take the test.  I said a prayer that when it was negative that I would get over it quickly.

Only a few seconds later I found myself staring in disbelief at this:

I think I was too shocked to even cry or shout for joy.  I was literally dumbfounded.  This was the third time in my entire life I had ever gotten a positive pregnancy test.  

I wanted to wait to tell BK in some cute way.  But I am horrible at keeping secrets.  My sisters were the first to find out--via a txt message with the picture.  I told a couple of other friends, mainly to get ideas about how to surprise BK.  Finally, I realized there was no way I was going to be able to keep such a happy thing from him.  I wrote a little note that said "Baby P #3 June 2013" and wrapped the test in it and stuck it under his pillow.  He finally came to bed and found it.  He was, of course, thrilled.

I spent the next couple of days in a wonderful, happy fog.  Heavenly Father hadn't forgotten me.  He had heard my prayers.  He had a plan for me.  He always had, and I should've had more faith.  But isn't that always the case?

Several weeks later found me, BK, and Spencer in a doctor's office getting an ultrasound.  There on the screen was one tiny bean with a beating heart.  Such a miracle.  Even though this is the third time, it doesn't ever take away from that miraculous moment.  

I have felt more tired this pregnancy than either of the two before, but I haven't thrown up once! That almost makes me nervous that maybe something is wrong, but I'll have another ultrasound on Thursday that will hopefully lay my paranoia to rest.  I have plenty of other ridiculous pregnancy symptoms keeping me company, I should just be grateful that vomiting all day long like the last two isn't on that list, I suppose!

Anyway, even a couple of months later, this all still feels like a dream to me.  It's hard to really wrap my mind around the fact that in about 6 1/2 months, I'll have a warm, snuggly, helpless, divinely-smelling newborn to hold.  I'm just so, so grateful I get to do it all again.